Discernment and Decision Making

We're into the second week of this retreat in daily life for 25 parishioners here at Sacred Heart in Mildura... I'm enjoying the experience of one to one spiritual direction very much. It is hard not to be deeply moved listening to the ordinary/extraordinariness of people's lives in relationship with God. I've also been doing some workshops on "applied spirituality." This evening's topic was discernment and decision making. While the dynamic of the workshop won't come across in the text, I thought I might post sections of it over the next couple of days. Feel free to cut and paste it into a document if you find any of it helpful.

INTRODUCTION: DISCERNMENT DEFINED

While many of us would love to wake up one day with a blueprint for our lives in an envelope under the door, complete with step by step instructions, I’ve never met anyone who has. There is a real dignity and adventure to discovering our true path for ourselves, step by step. We “build the bridge by walking on it.”

Discernment: the capacity to separate and distinguish elements that constitute the reality to be understood, and the decision to be made. From the perspective of our spirituality (define), it demands faith in God and in one’s own experience; a relationship with God based on love, not fear; courage; self-discipline; patience; self-knowledge; and maturity.

It is a disposition toward life that is at the same time, contemplative and deeply penetrating into the complexity and nuance of things. Discernment is an essential stage in a process of Spirit led decision-making. The better our discernment, the better our decision-making.

It is exercised for the purpose of cooperating with God’s intention to bring life to fullness and to increase our freedom from fear, that we might be more available for love, creativity, and service.

THE FOUNDATION AND GOAL OF LIFE

How do we begin? With end points… what do we believe the ultimate goal of our lives to be? When we have some clarity about our ultimate life goal, this gives us a sense of orientation, a compass for daily life. If I know where I want to end up, this helps me to understand how to relate to everything else, how to establish priorities and principles for decision making.

GROWING IN INTIMACY WITH GOD AND SELF-AWARENESS

Spiritual discernment requires that we are rooted and grounded in a lively personal relationship with God, as intimate as we are with a spouse or best friend.

We cultivate this relationship through the reading of Scripture, through conversational and imaginative prayer, and regular worship in a faith community. We also cultivate this relationship through our active service of others and the sharing of our faith.

While we learn so much about who we are in and through our relationships with God and with others, one relationship is often neglected: with ourselves. We can cultivate the relationship with ourselves and grow in self awareness by taking quiet time each day, journaling, making retreats, doing dream-work, etc.

In order to make good and Spirit led decisions, we need to know what makes us tick: we do we value and love? What do we fear? What do we resist? What are our habits and patterns? What hidden influences and blind-spots trip us up?

CONSOLATION OR DESOLATION? (more than a feeling, though feelings are involved)

Whenever we are trying to discern and decide, we have to be aware of whether we are in consolation or desolation (most dramatically, whether we are feeling blessed or cursed; less dramatically, am I feeling connected to God, self, and other, or alienated from God, self, and other.

HEAD, HEART, OR GUT?

It is helpful to know whether or not we tend to be people who make decisions based on our heads, our hearts, or our guts. Knowing our tendencies also can help us by directing attention to areas for growth.

Consider the advantages and disadvantages of each. Refer to handout.

Self-knowledge is the basis for growth and transformation, and key to inner freedom.
Read Romans 12:2

THE FREEDOM OF INDIFFERENCE

In order to discern effectively, we need to be rooted and grounded in a lively personal relationship with God. And in light of our love for God, we need to have freedom from excessive attachments (idols, egotism, personal agendas) and disordered affections (fears, compulsions, neuroses).

The value of the freedom of indifference… to do what is in accord with God’s will. This is not apathy, or lukewarm neutrality, but rather, deep inner freedom. This freedom of indifference must be rooted and grounded in our love for God and our desire the give God glory in all things. Indifference is rooted in deep awareness.


Stay tuned...

The True Vine

Jn 15:1-8

Jesus said to his disciples:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.
He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,
and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.
You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.
Remain in me, as I remain in you.
Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own
unless it remains on the vine,
so neither can you unless you remain in me.
I am the vine, you are the branches.
Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit,
because without me you can do nothing.
Anyone who does not remain in me
will be thrown out like a branch and wither;
people will gather them and throw them into a fire
and they will be burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my Father glorified,
that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."

Reflecting on the Gospel reading for this Sunday, I cannot help but think back to my retreat last month, situated in the lovely harvest time vineyards of the Jesuit winery at Sevenhill. We just happened to be there in the weeks that the grapes were being harvested for processing... mostly by big and impressively effective machines. It isn't quite the image I had in mind of the Vinedresser depicted in the Gospel, who carefully prunes each vine of dead branches and picks the ripe grapes for the winepress.

For me, the most important grace of the retreat was very much about surrendering the illusion of self-sufficiency. This rich and multidimensional image that Jesus uses in the today's Gospel helps summarize that grace rather beautifully. He is the vine. I am a branch. And together, only together, can we bear fruit. No longer need I labor under the assumption that I am doing everything, let alone anything, under my own power. The Lord desires nothing more than to live in me and in you, and to love and labor through us in the world for the sake of the kingdom. The sap that flows from the vine out through the branches into the fruit is the life giving, love energy of the Spirit, and the way the Spirit is manifest in the world is in the fruit of our lives... the quality of presence we bring to our relationships, the gestures and expressions of affection, the tough and sometimes terrifying acts of love.

And then there is the pruning. A man I was spiritual director for was dealing with prostate cancer, and I was curious how he was able to keep such a positive outlook, let alone how he could devote so much time and energy to helping others who were in the same boat. He told me that he had led a very good life, and even though he was young-- in his early fifties, he trusted that through this cancer, that the Lord was pruning him for greater things. I will never forget the look of trust on his face as he told me this. "I am being pruned for greater things."

Just some more photos from Sevenhill

Thursday, May 7

A full day of one to one meetings with people making this retreat in daily life, and while this has been a real joy for me to be present to people in their growing and stretching in relationship with God, the day began with some very sad news. A young couple whose wedding I did a few years ago was expecting their second child. In fact, my friend was due to give birth next week. Sadly, in a check up, the doctors discovered that the baby's heart was not beating, and then found that the umbilical cord was in a knot.

It is hard to reconcile how it is that on one hand, some people are given a lifetime for learning, growing, and realizing their potential--with all the circumstances seemingly in favor of their thriving, and then others do not even get the chance to begin their journey, or face circumstances so challenging that it would seem nearly impossible that they could surmount these obstacles and flourish. I suppose this is one was of framing the age old question/mystery of the theodicy, the difficulty of reconciling a "good" and omnipotent God with the reality of suffering in the world.

Naturally, we try to understand our experiences by asking "why?" yet, no answer comes, or the responses we get from others fail to satisfy us if even we can tolerate the sometimes inane things people say in their desire to console us.

In the face of such experiences, I find that words generally fail, and that in some way, it may actually be better to imitate God's silence... a silence that is not of absence, but rather of full hearted and loving presence-- the kind of presence that reassures, consoles, and enfolds us like a firm embrace. Of course, there may be an act of faith involved here-- to hold steady in one's belief in God's goodness despite the painful reality that one is experiencing at the moment. Yes, this is faith indeed.

Wednesday, May 6th

Not much to tell... I saw one person for direction, though this is my day off this week. I took an hour's walk early this morning and another one later in the day, had a nap after lunch, and watched two dvd's (one was Flags of Our Fathers... heavy!). I cooked an omelet (that can't be how you spell it, is it? I want to add another t & an e) for the four of us for dinner tonight... nice to get back into the kitchen.

I think I must be getting older, but quiet days like today suit me just fine of late. I don't know about you, but for most of my life I've felt a certain amount of compulsion about staying busy, being productive, doing things that I judged "meaningful." Strangely enough, I feel a kind of liberation going on lately in just being able to relax, breathe, and be. Weird, huh?

While all that pressure to perform and produce was largely from within myself, it is "in the air" in our culture, and difficult to escape. I've begun asking myself, what is all this striving about? The push for "progress," the ambition to have more than we do, the orientation toward the future rather than the present moment... I'm becoming a little suspicious of it all, because when it comes right down to it, all of this seems like a distraction from paying attention to the abundance we have right here, right now. When we take a moment to breathe and become present to ourselves, we might discover this abundance in the Simplicity of Being... just being awake, aware, alive.

Again, of course I remember that I am in the tertianship bubble right now, enjoying Oz and this hiatus between assignments, and there is space for me to feel these things. But I honestly hope that it is possible to feel this simple, joyful abundance in the midst of the daily grind. Can anyone verify for me that it is?

Tuesday, May 5th

This was the second full day of meeting with retreatants... six in one day! It might not seem like much, but six hours of careful listening is actually pretty demanding. At the same time, it is just amazing to be present and witness to the unfolding of a human life as people tell their stories. It brings home to me that sense that every person's life is a mysterious unfolding, marked by losses and gains, joys and sorrows, mundane routines and profound longings and aspirations. It is also a lesson to me never to judge on first appearances, because the moment you think you've assessed who a person is, you've sold them short of all the ways they can surprise you, maybe even teach you something new.

Obviously I can't discuss things that people share with me in the context of spiritual direction, so I find that I carry people's stories with me as sort of a sacred trust, and I can't help but feel both humbled and enriched by the vulnerability that people manifest process. Sometimes, folks express a bit of discomfort when strong emotions come up, especially tears. But I cannot help thinking that if we were all a bit more free and vulnerable, the world would be a much more peaceful and compassionate place. Doesn't it seem a little crazy that most of us go through our day wearing our "game face," without giving our hearts the freedom to express feelings, regrets, gratitude, etc. For whatever reason, we allow the people and the environments around us to determine the way we show up instead of trusting the authenticity of being ourselves, (and of taking up the true authority that comes from being authentic). Again, what a revolution it is to live and work with people who have the freedom to be themselves.

Tomorrow is my day off, so after seeing just one person, I'm looking forward to "chillaxing" (a Brooklyn expression, if I'm not mistaken)-- walking , reading, seeing a movie. Cheers!

The Retreat In Daily Life

Greetings from lovely Mildura, voted the friendliest and most liveable city in Australia! If you recall, this is my second time here at Sacred Heart Parish in this city of 30,000 in the state of Victoria. The first time was on the way to our retreat at Sevenhill when five of us drove the two cars 1800 km from Sydney. Once I'm back on my own computer, I'll be able to load some pictures up.

I'm here for three weeks giving a retreat with a Loreto sister, Jennifer Connor, to 25 lay people in the parish. The beauty of this retreat is that people continue with the daily routines, relationships, and obligations of their lives, but they also make time for an extra 45 minutes to an hour of prayer each day, and for two weekly meetings with a spiritual director. This makes the retreat a bit more accessible for people who can't get away and take a break, and provides them an opportunity to explore the relationship between their experience of God and their day to day lives.

I'm staying in the rectory here at Sacred Heart, a vibrant and diverse parish, with two active diocesan priests, Fr.s Tom and Matthew, and a retired priest, Fr. Frank. Any parish would be so lucky to have guys like these... real lovers of people, generous, funny, and prayerful. And I feel blessed to be living and working with them.

Aside from celebrating masses, I am seeing between five and seven people each day for what we call spiritual direction, a conversation where people share about their experiences of prayer and of life. My role is simply to facilitate their experience of relationship with God by offering texts from Scripture for their prayer, being a listener and sounding board, and by offering encouragement and support for them as they engage the challenges of the retreat. It is probably my favorite form of ministry because it involves helping and witnessing to the spiritual growth and development of regular folks in their relationships with the Divine... this growth is often manifest in the way people experience healing from old hurts, reconcilation with old "enemies", a sense of renewed purpose and commitment, insight into and liberation from unhelpful attachments, etc. Please keep us in your prayers over these next three weeks... this kind of commitment of the retreatants calls for courage, patience, generosity, and self-discipline.